The Journey
by yarx.2x
Summary: Two years into it, she finally had the courage to admit to herself that she was not happy. If Jacob was a jerk, this would be easier to do. But he wasn't, this wasn't about Jake at all, this was about her.
1. The Realization

Chapter One: The Realization

It had all started with one dream. One dream that made Bella realize everything that was wrong with her life. And with that one realization she was on her way to do one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. To some it may have seemed silly or completely ridiculous, but to Bella it was not. She wasn't like most people, the girls she had grown up with had all gone through three or four boyfriends in their 20 years. But not Bella, Bella had just one. Jacob Black.

Jacob Black was a weirdo, well at least that's what she used to think of him. At fourteen years old he'd started high school at 220 lbs. He was a big guy to say the least. As ugly as the stereotype sounds, it is true, nobody likes the fat guy. It also didn't help that he was painfully shy. He got through high school being made fun of because of his weight and the way he looked. And while she wasn't part of his torturer's, she also did nothing to stop it. Bella didn't like Jacob Black simply because everyone thought he was weird and who doesn't want to fit in?

Their last year of high school, he'd lost all the baby fat. His change didn't seem to matter, he still got picked on constantly. Now instead of targeting his weight, they'd focus on a different part of his body.

A year after graduation he contacted me again requesting that we hangout. I was going through that rough patch at that time. It had been a year since high school and I was in the realization that everyone was right, what happened in high school didn't matter. Nobody really stayed friends and I would never voluntarily talk to any of my classmates ever again. And while this realization sat heavy on my shoulders I slowly realized the sad life I lived.

I continued to live in the small town I grew up in. Most days I worked at our local library and came home to the house Charlie and I shared. On a rare day I'd go out to lunch and catch up with Angela Weber. She'd gone off to the University of Washington, and while my mom had fought me on it, I decided college was not for me. So when Jacob asked me to meet him, I realized I had nothing to lose. It's not like I had any plans other than reading when I came home from work.

So that is how it all started. The second time we ever hung out he kissed me. I remember being surprised and grossed out at the same time. Grossed out because I'd forgotten how slimy some kisses could be.

And now two years into it, she finally had the courage to admit to herself that she was not happy. If Jacob was a jerk, this would be easier to do. But he wasn't, this wasn't about Jake at all, this was about her.


	2. Big girl pants

Chapter 2: Big girl pants

Jake was waiting for her at First Beach in La Push, it was their meeting spot. She was usually happy to see him, she'd look forward to spending time with him most days. Today was different. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast, her hands were shaking, and her palms sweaty.

She didn't want to do this.

And for a second she almost didn't, it would be so easy to just forget about it and settle for the nice guy in the small town. But she knew she'd eventually grow to resent him if she stayed. No, she needed to put on her big girl pants and take control of her life.

With that thought in mind, she opened the door to her beat up orange truck and stepped foot outside. It was a little windy today, fall was settling fast. She took a deep breath and began making her way towards Jake. He didn't turn around until she was two feet away from him.

"Hey beautiful," he said standing up and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey," she breathed out.

They sat down on a rock and overlooked the ocean in silence for a few minutes before Jake began to talk.

"So guess what I got to work on today? A 1969 Firebird. She was a beauty, just needs a little bit of work done to her. Billy found-"

Jake was a mechanic. He'd been working on cars since his mom died of cancer. His dad wanted him to take on a hobby, something to distract him. And he'd never stopped. He didn't think college was for him either, which made things between us even easier. He'd never given her a reason to be angry or jealous, sure they argued about petty stuff but they always found their way back to each other. How was she going to do this without hurting him? Hell, without hurting herself too? Just because she was the one doing it didn't mean this wasn't going to hurt.

"- Rebecca says she's going to bring the kids around for Halloween this year. They'll be so excited to see their aunt Be-"

"Jake," she interrupted him, "I need to say something."

"Okay, then say something."

She took a deep breath and looked up at him. That was her first mistake, how could she look him in the eye and break his heart at the same time?

"Bella, what's wrong?" his voice began to take on a worried tone.

 _Come on Bella just do it, like ripping off a band aid._ "I want to break up," she whispered, half hoping he didn't hear her. When a minute went by in silence she looked up at him.

His eyes were watered, "What did I do?" he asked.

And that was what Bella was afraid of, that he would blame himself. "Nothing," she tried to reassure him. "You did absolutely nothing, I promise."

"Then why would you do this Bella? I thought we were doing good, I thought we had fun together." Jake began to cry.

And with that she said something she knew would break his heart even more. "I'm not happy anymore. This life is not something I want. You're my best friend, but right now that's all I see between us."

"So you're bored of me and this relationship? You're bored of this town? God Bella, listen to yourself! You sound just like your mother!" he was angry, but that didn't give him the right to compare her to Renee. She was nothing like her, she didn't have obligations to this town.

"What is so wrong with me for wanting to be happy Jake? What's wrong with wanting to be something more than the town librarian? You may be happy with being a mechanic in this godforsaken town, and that's great for you! But I'm not happy! I'm miserable." She didn't realize how miserable she was until she'd spoken those words out loud.

"Fine then go," he whispered. He was angry and this is not how she wanted to end things between them. Jake was her best friend.

"Jake I-"

"Just fucking leave Bella, that's what you want right?" He yelled and Bella stood up and began to make her way towards her truck.

She wanted a minute to regain herself, to stop crying before she could start to drive but she couldn't look at him another minute. She started the engine and began driving home.

It took he 40 minutes to get home, she pulled over 3 times and threw up once. This couldn't be real, she didn't want to lose her friendship with Jake. When she got home she ran a hot bath and sat in it for a good hour and cried. She went to bed that night wondering if she'd made a mistake.


	3. Decisions

Chapter 3: Decisions

Bella spent the next week moping around the house like a zombie. She had told Mrs. Cope at the library that she was sick, but she probably knew Bella was full of shit.

After a week and three days Bella decided enough was enough.

Sure Jake and their relationship had played a factor in her misery, but it was not solely to blame. Bella decided to do something she was good at.

She made a list.

Reasons Why I'm Miserable:

I'm dating my best friend

I hate my job

I hate this town

I don't know what I'm doing with my life

She crossed reason number one off the list since her and Jake had broken up and it was doubtful he ever wanted to speak to her again.

Maybe she was being a tad melodramatic when she used the word hate to describe her feelings about her job. She loved books. Reading was her escape, and maybe she'd enjoy being a librarian in another town. A town with a bigger selection and more people.

Why did she hate Forks? Because she felt there was nothing for her here. Because if you burped the whole town knew about it. Because every day was a repeat of the last. Her reasons for hating the town she called home were endless.

If she left people would only say she was like her mother, the same thing Jake had said. But she wasn't. She wasn't married, she didn't have children. Bella had nothing holding her in Forks. She loved her father dearly but it's not like she wouldn't come back to visit him.

Bella couldn't think of anything to about reason number four. Just because she didn't know what she was doing with her life didn't mean school was the answer. Whatever it was she wanted to do, she wasn't going to find it in Forks.

 _I need to get the hell out of here_ , she thought to herself.

And she knew right then and there that she would do exactly that.

I mean the idea seemed insane but if she left the only reason left for her misery would be figuring out what she wanted to do with her life.

She had quite a bit of money saved up. She could go six months without work and be completely fine.

Where would she go?

A plane ticket was expensive, and served useless if she didn't know her destination.

Perhaps she could drive. Drive until she wanted to stop.

Charlie would never let her do it. So, she came to the conclusion that he didn't have to know.

Bella spent the next couple of weeks coming up with a plan. She continued to work at the library, because quitting unexpectedly would only make her dad suspicious. Plus she would take whatever money she could get.

She began to withdraw money from the bank every week, and would cash her new checks. She'd gone to Port Angeles where she wouldn't be recognized and bought a disposable phone and a suitcase. Her current phone plan was under her dad's name, she didn't want him to have to pay for it after she left and she didn't think she could handle the millions of phone calls she would get from him.

The thought of leaving Charlie behind made her feel so guilty, she almost backed out a few times. But she needed to be strong and hope this decision wouldn't be a mistake. It felt selfish just running away from her home, but Bella had been selfless her whole life. It was her turn to shine.

She was set to leave in two days. She'd done laundry and she was trying her best not to use up so many clothing items. She was taking her suitcase with as many clothes as possible, two pairs of comfortable shoes, and all of her important paperwork, her disposable phone, and her favorite book.

She'd prepared the house for her departure, she'd gone overboard on grocery shopping. Charlie had stared at her like she was crazy when she brought in all the food, she was afraid he'd go hungry. She'd cleaned the house spotless and had been careful to make her room look as full as possible, she didn't want Charlie to notice anything was missing.

On the night she was set to leave she made Charlie's favorite dinner, and sat down with him to watch the game afterwards. He must have asked her if she was feeling okay at least five times, she was going to miss him so much. When Charlie started to get ready for bed Bella ran over to him and gave him a hug, "Goodnight, daddy."

She felt Charlie's eyes on the back of her head as she went up the stairs. When she was in her room, she played the waiting game. She had already placed all she was taking with her in the truck. When Charlie was snoring she slipped downstairs and left a note near the door.

Charlie,

I don't know when I'll be back but I feel like this is something I need to do. I love you and promise to call you when I'm ready. I love you.

Love, Bella.

She got into her truck and started the engine. Praying it didn't wake Charlie up, she began her drive into the night.


End file.
